I've been back at writing regularly post-baby for a few weeks and feeling frustrated that it's taking so long to get in the flow. I feel like I've been writing and writing, but not getting anything done. Now this is not the first work I've done since I had Tilly a little over a year ago, but it's the first time we've had a babysitter. So I've had concentrated amounts of time to focus, which is totally different. I've been so anxious to get to this point, it feels like there is a big bubbling pot of ideas that will explode if I don't give it a way out.
But then there is the terror of that big blank screen. And as I said above, miles and miles of writing that seem to go nowhere. So I was chatting with Libby and she said, "don't worry, if you keep showing up, the work will show up." I've repeated that to myself several times in the past week and decided to just show up. It's all I can do to get back on track and it's what I have to do. So I have. And then, last Thursday, it showed up. I got so lost in writing that I barely noticed the baby coos and shrieks of excitement coming from downstairs. The hours flew by. And now I remember how it feels, and why I needed to get back here.
Even if my career goes in a very different direction now that I'm a mom, I'm committed to showing up and seeing what happens.